A mind game

Aren’t we clear that at some point someone is manipulating us in every aspects of our life? From our childhood till we step into a life of retirement. Most of us doesn’t know that we are being manipulated.

How are we manipulated? Isn’t this a good question? Just to make my content clear, we must know how will someone manipulate us? What is the role of manipulation? By the way, manipulation is a skill, an unscrupulous talent. Do you think that manipulators are talented. Obviously yes, if they have the skill to ruin your peace and happiness. Then YES, they are most talented.

Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way. People who are trying to manipulate others are trying to control others.

Have we ever questioned us that we are listening them and their voices? Aren’t we an individual? Isn’t like we are giving them an advantage by listening their voices?

Manipulative behavior involves three factors: fear, obligation and guilt. When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don’t really want to do. You might feel scared to do it, obligated to do it, or guilty about not doing it.

I point out two common manipulators: the bully and the victim. A bully makes you feel fearful and might use aggression, threats and intimidation to control you. The victim engenders a feeling of guilt in their target. The victim usually acts hurt. But while manipulators often play the victim, the reality is that they are the ones who have caused the problem.

A person who is targeted by manipulators who play the victim often try to help the manipulator in order to stop feeling guilty. Targets of this kind of manipulation often feel responsible for helping the victim by doing whatever they can to stop their suffering.

Gaslighting is often used to identify manipulation that gets people to question themselves, their reality, memory or thoughts. A manipulative person might twist what you say and make it about them, hijack the conversation or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you’re not quite sure you have.

If you’re being gaslighted, you might feel a false sense of guilt or defensiveness—like you failed completely or must have done something wrong when, in reality, that’s not the case.

“Manipulators blame,”. “They don’t take responsibility.”

When will we identify the manipulators? At every point of entering a new stage of life, we break down or sit to understand if it is a right time to move on. There comes the trouble. People who watches us from distance will console us with their ideas and thoughts. If we are open to other thoughts, we sit and listen until we make up our mind that their advise is right. We never stop them because we really want someone to show us right path. But What if their advise is not according to our passion and our morality? Do we have to choose their role based on their passion and morality? When are we going to follow ours? We have also stopped asking ourselves before letting others into our mind.

Why do we worry about the manipulators? They manipulate us in every single way. From ruining a relationship to till we ruin others as well. Let me share my experience before I move into the statement. I know a lady who is 2 years elder to me. She is a good manipulator. She observes people. She knows every single move of her environment. She is very clever but she acts dump when it comes to common sense. If I get angry at someone, I don’t quarrel or fight, I always isolate myself to avoid it. I do this often because I always want them to understand the reason for my silence. I want them to regret for their mistakes. If that lady, watches me sitting alone, she comes to me talking ill about them increasing my temper. If our temper is high, we always wanted to show it to the one who made us to sit alone not to the one who manipulated us. She will even talk ill about me to them just to make them not to regret for what they have done. And finally, the relationship is ruined. I can still try to reunite but I have to blame that lady. But who the real stupid is? ME.. exactly the only me.

Have anyone tried blaming others instead of blaming ourselves for it? I have done it plenty of times. “She is responsible”, “he was the one”, “she asked me to..”. But later I realised that I am the one responsible because I allowed them to take advantages.

I have even gossiped about others. I have one thought in mind whenever I talked about someone behind their back. What if the listener got manipulated by what I said? What if they hate them because of me? What if they ignore them because of me? What if they are good to them but I am still trying to manipulate that they are not good but ill minded people?

What these inner voices made me?

Stop talking about others.

Stop manipulating.

I am not even a good person if I still talk about a true facts about others behind their back.

If you think for a minute, we will never allow anyone to take a step forward to manipulate us.

How do we stop them manipulating us? It is a challenge. But it is worth a try.

Never respond.

Never listen them.

Never give them a reply.

Never show them that you are disappointed.

Never let them know that you are looking for a change.

Never ask them for a suggestion.

Never stop listening yourself.

Never mute yourself from saying NO.

Published by anithaasaithambi

I am not a poet, not even a psychiatrist, not a good writer though. But I started learning from my mistakes. We are in a world where everyone is busy with their own problems and trauma. I sometimes worry that I have no one around me to listen to my problems. I am around these people where they taught to learn from my mistakes and never atleast warned or threatened what would be the result. I am glad that it will make me stronger some day. I am here to share my experiences and also the jokes and traumas I met so far. This story has plagued my mind for far too long. Typing this out is my feeble attempt to make sense of something my rational mind refuses to comprehend. Keep supporting.. Hope everyone has a very good day. Cherish each day with happiness.

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