A love that never ends

when we selflessly love someone, that love has no end to it.

I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in vibe of the people I meet. I never get the same kind of feelings from everyone. Some had given me temporary happiness, some had showered me love which had alternatively annoyed, some might helped me when I was down, some had left me alone when I needed them and because of a deep inner fear, I ignored some.

Why do I get this fear? I always dream about HOW I WANT TO BE LOVED & HOW SOMEONE HAS TO LOVE ME. I was disappointed when I was being rejected because of my look and personality. But I never expect my man to look handsome or to have a good physique. I want to find the pureness of his soul, I have to adore the beauty of his mind, I wish to admire his taintless heart.

We don’t have a soul. We are a soul. We happen to have a body.

C.S. Lewis

This British writer is an eye opener for me. He said you don’t have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body. We realize the soul is eternal, full of bliss and knowledge so it puts on bodies and takes them off like we do clothes and it’s journey is far beyond matter. A body is like a property for a soul, some pierce their ears and nose to wear studs just like we hang chandelier in our living rooms. If I am dead, no one is going to talk about my appearance, but they will talk about the name I earned, things I did, the goodness and badness in me. This is gonna live even if this body rots, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

I want my man to love me for the way I am. I want him to be his way he is. I want him to correct my flaws. Either of us cannot be puppets our whole life. I will walk in your shoes to understand your pain. I will give you space whenever you need. I will help you to keep everything on track. I will neither be a headache nor a burden for you.

The only disaster in everyone’s life is comparing their life with others. But I promise, I will never do it to you. I know it will hurt you. I promise you that I will be a mother, a true friend, a well-wisher, a caretaker, a lover and a lifetime companion. I wish you to be the same to me.

Whenever I was heartbroken, whenever someone cheated me, whenever I was disappointed, whenever I was rejected, I felt low and all of a sudden I got a vibe that everything happens for a reason. Immediately my mind would say HIS PRAYER HAS WORKED THIS TIME TOO. I asked my mind WHY?! If he is so much conscious about me, why hasn’t he met me? If he doesn’t want me to get into any trap, why hasn’t he come to hold my hands and say YOU ARE MINE, NO ONE CAN TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME.?

But why. Why are you away when I needed you the most? Why haven’t we met? Why are we taking so much time to meet? Why are you delaying? Are you alive? Are you next to God as an angel and asking him to save me by sacrificing your life? Will you come into my dreams to prove that my intuitions are right? Will you send your love through the air I breathe to prove that you live for me somewhere? Will you whisper through my ears that you are always near me to give a hope for this life?

The day we meet will live forever in our history.

The day we meet will always be remembered.

The day we meet will never be faded.

I believe that you are a true human with good humane qualities. I believe that you are a pure soul. I believe that you are being transparent. I believe that you are not hurting anyone. I believe that you are handling your responsibilities with complete confidence. I pray for you everyday to have a healthy lifestyle and I am sending a good vibes through the air.

I hope we will meet someday. When you grab my hands, I will realise that I am safe with you. When you walk with me, I will understand that we will travel together till this life ends. When you smile at me, I will recognise that you are loving the beauty of my soul.

I want you to stay stronger because I don’t want you lose hope as I lost mine. I wish you to stay safe because I don’t want you to feel bad for not having me around you. I know that you are worrying about me like I’m worrying about you. I am telling you one thing to keep you motivated. You born for me and I born for you. You will realise how much I missed you on the day we meet. Till then, Enjoy your solo life; even if you are committed, I pray that you don’t cheat or hurt anyone (I pray for a breakup too). I don’t want anyone to curse us. I don’t want you to suffer the pain. By the way, I prayed for breakup, because I thought this is why you are refusing to meet at the earliest. Why do you want this commitment even if that is not meant for you? We sometimes choose a wrong path because of the twists and whirls. I made my thought clear that I am never choosing a path till I find you. I want you to do the same.

I sometimes think that God is jealous about getting us united just because of the love we are going to share. Now God being the mediator for us, we may forget him after we get together. I’m sorry for blaming you, dear God. I sincerely doubt you for not sending him yet.

Dear God, I have a request for you. If my man is around you, please return his life and take mine. His prayers had saved me from lot many disasters and I am grateful for it. I feel that I am not lucky for missing this beautiful soul. If you took him too earlier as he is your favourite child, take me as well; even if I am not your favourite (you know why.. I said that I am an Atheist plenty of times).

My dear man, I don’t know how you want me to love you. But I can say that you will neither be annoyed nor be irritated with the love I shower you. I swear that you will understand the real meaning of love when I am around you. I want you to find the same kind of vibe from me that I found from you. I want you to be loved by all mankind. I want you to love everyone and hate none. I want you to gain more friends and less enemity. I want you to do what you love and I want you to enjoy your life to the fullest. And at last I want you to find me as early as possible. Because I am getting disappointed when day passes.

You might have heard some ladies saying, ‘I will always be yours, I will not argue if you look at other women, I will be in your ups and downs’. But I am not going to vow you like other women did. But I can say that you are never gonna look at other women when I am with you. Because we will love each other like the first man and woman of this world.

We will enjoy our lives and we will explore new things together. I wish we grow old together. We will dance like no one is watching. We will sing like no one is listening. We will love like no one is around.

Bring it on & let truth be my existence. Value my life & tell me like it is. Bark at me when I’m wrong & hug me when I’m right. Praise me if I succeed & tell me if I fail. Laugh at me if you think I’m funny & wink at me if you think I’m cute; Yell at me if I ever hurt you & scold me if I’m ever bad. Keep things real with me, Because I want to be alive, I want my world to be real & I want to see your spirit. I want to hear you breathe & I want to know how you feel. I don’t want to waste our time with insincerities. I want us to keep our world real.

I will love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I will love you like the plant that does not bloom but carries within itself, hidden the light of those flowers. I will appreciate your love, which lives darkly in my body a certain solid fragrance that has risen from the earth. I will love you without knowing how or when or from where. I will love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride in which there is no you nor I; so close that your hand upon my chest is mine; so close that your eyes close as I dream.

I often say when we selflessly love someone, that love has no end to it. I want to love you that way, so that we will never get an end to our love story.

P.S I love you

Published by anithaasaithambi

I am not a poet, not even a psychiatrist, not a good writer though. But I started learning from my mistakes. We are in a world where everyone is busy with their own problems and trauma. I sometimes worry that I have no one around me to listen to my problems. I am around these people where they taught to learn from my mistakes and never atleast warned or threatened what would be the result. I am glad that it will make me stronger some day. I am here to share my experiences and also the jokes and traumas I met so far. This story has plagued my mind for far too long. Typing this out is my feeble attempt to make sense of something my rational mind refuses to comprehend. Keep supporting.. Hope everyone has a very good day. Cherish each day with happiness.

4 thoughts on “A love that never ends

  1. I wish soon you are going to meet the one who matches your passion and your efforts. Someone who is mentally and emotionally equipped enough to help build you back up in your time of need. Someone who values and loves you wholeheartedly.

    Liked by 1 person

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