The Enchanted Life

The Enchanted Life

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness. It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness.

Every person we meet in our life had come across bad situations. Even sometimes we compare ourselves with their life and get a little comfort that we suffered only lesser than they have gone through. Some of us will even try to comfort them by telling EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. This really strikes everyone’s mind. It hit me very hard when my family and friends told this statement million times. Honestly I didn’t fail those many times on a same thing. But I failed million times on different situations. And later Whenever I failed, I said to myself EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I thought I should not disappoint my family and friends by saying to them that I failed for the nth time. I didn’t stopped. I just paused for a moment to realise what went wrong. We can change our situations better but we cannot bring happiness to someone who we hurt many times. We failed to sit and listen because we are chasing for the things that we don’t actually deserve. We never had time to thought why they wanted to talk to us. It may be a hint or they may give a clue for the things we actually deserve. Not many of us had someone like them. If you have, you are lucky. If you don’t, you are still lucky because you can explore and strangers may come in your way to teach you some life lessons. 

How many of us had taken time to understand if everything is going well or is there anything to alter? We have a single life and that has many features. We were brought to this world to cherish our existence. But we chase; we fight; we argue; we hurt; and we failed to realise why we were born in the first place. Honestly, I didn’t pause for a moment before I was even born. I was kicking my mother’s heart hard before seeing this world because I heard someone saying PUSH. I didn’t realise that they didn’t meant me to do it. I gave pain to my mother but actually she was happy and she bear that pain. We are like that to someone sometimes. We never intentionally mean to hurt anyone. But we had to do it just to enlighten them. Why am I comparing the pain of the mother with my statement. I am not confusing my thoughts. Everyone has a vision and we don’t know if the result will enlighten us or pull us into a darkness. The struggle is real. 

Have you ever thought of bringing happiness to someone who care us more than we care someone? We have always spared our time for the people we love but we failed to look after the one who really cared us. We would just stare at our phone for that caring person call to end but we wait for the person to call who we care. Aren’t we ignoring the importance of their love and care? If we failed to understand them, then we should not blame someone for not understanding us. The pain is same. The ignorance is same. We must realise it before trying to hurt someone. Just pause for a moment, think or assume yourself in their life. How would you react? How would you feel? Would you just scream with tears or yell at them with anger? If you have no answer for this, think about them. They still love you; they still care you; they still want you to stay happy. Never miss them. Because they understand you. They will never hurt you no matter what. 

In my life, I was always conscious about who should be my friends and who should be my partner. Because I don’t want to force myself to be with them. I wait for the vibe because this is what everyone need and this is what I needed the most. The vibe of the person should synchronise with me and my character. I can still adjust if the person I meet loves ice cream and I love coffee. It doesn’t predict the vibe. It doesn’t judge how the person will behave with me. Even if we don’t share what we like and what we love and what’s our purpose. We will feel it anyway. Sometimes your intuition will say if the person is really into you or not. If your intuition is negative about the person, you don’t have to quit it right away. It may be wrong. Or it may be right. I heard few saying FOLLOW YOUR INTUITIONS. I don’t blame anyone because I always follow my intuitions and I have even quit something I was very passionate about. I had done it many times. From a thought of becoming a doctor/ architect to a thought of becoming a lawyer, my intuition had always given me anxieties. It said ‘You will be a killer/ you design may fail/ you may accuse an innocent’. Wouldn’t you worry if your intuition is always wrong about your ideas and thoughts?! 

Being a tricenarian, I have gone through many mental traumas. But I healed and got wounded again. It became the routine of my life. As I have mentioned earlier, Strangers come into your life to teach you some good and bad lessons. We may realise only later that they are meant to come into our life to just give an experience. The lessons will continue and the struggles will never end. But I can clearly say that it is just moulding us into a better person. We will try to apply the same principle to our next generation so that they don’t have to struggle much than we did. Have you ever thought how you were during your school days and how you were during your college life and how you are now? In every stage of your life you have shown a great improvement mentally. Your parents might have thought WHAT HAVE I RAISED?! Now they would be telling to your neighbours MY CHILD MADE ME PROUD. Never estimate yourself. Never predict your future. Never let anyone say you are less than any human. You are YOU. No one knows you better than yourself. 

Few days ago, someone asked me ‘WHAT HAVE I PLANNED?! What are you planning to do in your life?’. Everyone around me are so much frustrated because I didn’t plan, I didn’t take a decision, I didn’t do anything. I am just sitting quiet. So I replied him ‘Just going with the flow’. He asked me to travel and explore places. Because I didn’t travel anywhere for the past two years. I am holding my breathe and pointing out the flaws of others. But do I deserve to talk about other’s flaws? That person is one hundred right. I am frustrated. I am disappointed. I am still worrying deep inside. Most of the times, I thought I don’t have a purpose. How do you know that we have a purpose? If you are getting up the next morning, yes! you have got a purpose. If you are bringing up happiness to someone a day, then yes! You have got a purpose. If you are looking after yourself and others, then yes! You have got a purpose. We can’t predict our future just by the day we live in today. There’s a lot of talk at the moment about the new normal and how we might feel about one day going back to a busy office or to the gym or to the theatre. Some say that they can’t imagine doing some of those things ever again, greeting friends with a hug and kiss or calling family to check if everything is going well. But are we any good at guessing how we’ll feel in the future? The answer, is not very. And this can mean that we don’t always make the best decisions about our lives.

When we try to predict how we will feel in the future, we naturally try to use the past as a guide. That can work well, except that we have a bias in our thinking towards the recent past. So, if we imagine what a train journey might be like next year, rather than focussing on the hundreds of train journeys we’ve made over the years, we can’t help but consider our most recent trip. And if that was on a train where masked people were looking slightly nervous, that will be paramount in our minds when we think of a journey in the future, even though we have no idea how long we will need to wear masks for. We can’t help but concentrate on how we feel right now. When patients with chronic headaches describe the intensity of their pain, their descriptions are more swayed by the intensity of their headache the previous day than their intensity in general. If you ask people how much they would enjoy a bowl of spaghetti the following day, the hungrier they happen to feel at the moment when you ask them, the more they say they’d like it. When we expect an event in the future to be positive, we tend to the focus on the good bits, but when it’s likely to be negative, the bad bits overshadow our expectations. So we imagine everything about going to the dentist will be terrible, while some of it like chatting to the receptionist or leaving will be fairly neutral and in fact the worst bits may only last for a few moments. You could interpret this optimistically – it means nothing is quite as bad as we expect, but alas nor quite as good. But the impact bias can lead us to make the wrong decisions. We might imagine that a new job with a modest pay rise will change our lives. If it takes away the stress of constant money worries then it might. Your friends will congratulate you, but when it comes to maximising your happiness, if you were already managing financially, loved your old job, knew the ropes and were good friends with your colleagues, it might not be the best move. To make the move you need to be certain that you will be able to spend that extra pay on something that makes you happier. 

There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh was right. You don’t have to wait to be happy in order to feel happy. Even if you are not happier at times, Seriously, the next time you’re down, put down the self-help book and simply smile. Make ridiculous faces, and even say the words “Ha Ha”. Did you know there is a form of yoga called laughter yoga, that uplifts the spirit? The class is centered around saying things like “Ha Ha, Ho Ho, Hee Hee”, and before you know it the whole room is howling. You can take this strategy and employ it in your own living room. Try it right now, and see how your state changes. Happiness is often thought of as an emotion, yet our physiological state is inextricably linked with our emotional state. The moment we change what our physical body is doing, our emotions follow. There’s been plenty of research to back up these claims, but better than science is your own scientific experiment! Try it now, and see how you feel. Put on a smile that includes your eyes smiling, and see if it influences your feelings.

Life can be serious. From horrific television news stories, to deadlines, family responsibilities, and more, it’s so vital to remember to play. Kids do it all the time, and often with big smiles on their faces. So whether your form of play is taking a hike, reading a magazine, playing a sport, or literally heading over to some swings in a park and playing like a kid, play is one of the fastest ways to get in touch with our inner happy. Taking the time to go have fun, and bring some joy in your life should be part of your weekly regime. Even little doses of fun make all the difference. If it’s been a while since you went out to play and have some fun, set up a play date now. Think of an activity you have been longing to partake in, and pencil it into your calendar.

Alright, so I am all for practicing presence and meditation, but sometimes, if you’re feeling totally bummed out, meditation may not be the trick you seek. Did you know that consciously choosing to distract yourself can be a healthy coping mechanism? Now, if you are constantly living in busy and distraction, this is not a healthy way to cope. But, consciously choosing to engage in something to get your mind off something troubling can be a healthy way to shift your attention. You can easily find thousands of hilarious comedic routines on YouTube, or the Comedy Network. Sometimes taking a time out, such as watching something that gives you a good laugh, is a healthy way to let go of the sadness and stress. And often it gives us perspective so that we can deal with what ails us in a clearer way.

If you’re feeling stressed and caged in by your heavy duty never ending to-do list, it’s time to engage in what I call the FORGET THE SCHEDULE practice. The truth is, if you don’t get everything done on your list, life will go on. Things won’t fall apart. It will be OK. Besides, feeling stressed and overwhelmed can seriously slow us down. By taking an hour to forget your chores and to-do-list, you often gain perspective that half of those things you thought you had to do are either unnecessary or you find a better way to get them done. By taking some time to let yourself be free, you get to finally live in the moment. When you are living in the moment, away from the giant to-do list and never ending stress (which leads to unhappiness), you tap into freedom which leads to space, possibility and happiness.

P.S Let’s get real here—we’ve all had our fair share of bad days. Maybe you had a heated argument with a friend or family member and it’s still got you in a funk, or maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. When sad days seem to take over, sit down, take a deep breath because you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness. It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present. It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.

Published by anithaasaithambi

I am not a poet, not even a psychiatrist, not a good writer though. But I started learning from my mistakes. We are in a world where everyone is busy with their own problems and trauma. I sometimes worry that I have no one around me to listen to my problems. I am around these people where they taught to learn from my mistakes and never atleast warned or threatened what would be the result. I am glad that it will make me stronger some day. I am here to share my experiences and also the jokes and traumas I met so far. This story has plagued my mind for far too long. Typing this out is my feeble attempt to make sense of something my rational mind refuses to comprehend. Keep supporting.. Hope everyone has a very good day. Cherish each day with happiness.

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