A love that never ends

when we selflessly love someone, that love has no end to it.

I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in vibe of the people I meet. I never get the same kind of feelings from everyone. Some had given me temporary happiness, some had showered me love which had alternatively annoyed, some might helped me when I was down, some had left me alone when I needed them and because of a deep inner fear, I ignored some.

Why do I get this fear? I always dream about HOW I WANT TO BE LOVED & HOW SOMEONE HAS TO LOVE ME. I was disappointed when I was being rejected because of my look and personality. But I never expect my man to look handsome or to have a good physique. I want to find the pureness of his soul, I have to adore the beauty of his mind, I wish to admire his taintless heart.

We don’t have a soul. We are a soul. We happen to have a body.

C.S. Lewis

This British writer is an eye opener for me. He said you don’t have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body. We realize the soul is eternal, full of bliss and knowledge so it puts on bodies and takes them off like we do clothes and it’s journey is far beyond matter. A body is like a property for a soul, some pierce their ears and nose to wear studs just like we hang chandelier in our living rooms. If I am dead, no one is going to talk about my appearance, but they will talk about the name I earned, things I did, the goodness and badness in me. This is gonna live even if this body rots, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

I want my man to love me for the way I am. I want him to be his way he is. I want him to correct my flaws. Either of us cannot be puppets our whole life. I will walk in your shoes to understand your pain. I will give you space whenever you need. I will help you to keep everything on track. I will neither be a headache nor a burden for you.

The only disaster in everyone’s life is comparing their life with others. But I promise, I will never do it to you. I know it will hurt you. I promise you that I will be a mother, a true friend, a well-wisher, a caretaker, a lover and a lifetime companion. I wish you to be the same to me.

Whenever I was heartbroken, whenever someone cheated me, whenever I was disappointed, whenever I was rejected, I felt low and all of a sudden I got a vibe that everything happens for a reason. Immediately my mind would say HIS PRAYER HAS WORKED THIS TIME TOO. I asked my mind WHY?! If he is so much conscious about me, why hasn’t he met me? If he doesn’t want me to get into any trap, why hasn’t he come to hold my hands and say YOU ARE MINE, NO ONE CAN TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME.?

But why. Why are you away when I needed you the most? Why haven’t we met? Why are we taking so much time to meet? Why are you delaying? Are you alive? Are you next to God as an angel and asking him to save me by sacrificing your life? Will you come into my dreams to prove that my intuitions are right? Will you send your love through the air I breathe to prove that you live for me somewhere? Will you whisper through my ears that you are always near me to give a hope for this life?

The day we meet will live forever in our history.

The day we meet will always be remembered.

The day we meet will never be faded.

I believe that you are a true human with good humane qualities. I believe that you are a pure soul. I believe that you are being transparent. I believe that you are not hurting anyone. I believe that you are handling your responsibilities with complete confidence. I pray for you everyday to have a healthy lifestyle and I am sending a good vibes through the air.

I hope we will meet someday. When you grab my hands, I will realise that I am safe with you. When you walk with me, I will understand that we will travel together till this life ends. When you smile at me, I will recognise that you are loving the beauty of my soul.

I want you to stay stronger because I don’t want you lose hope as I lost mine. I wish you to stay safe because I don’t want you to feel bad for not having me around you. I know that you are worrying about me like I’m worrying about you. I am telling you one thing to keep you motivated. You born for me and I born for you. You will realise how much I missed you on the day we meet. Till then, Enjoy your solo life; even if you are committed, I pray that you don’t cheat or hurt anyone (I pray for a breakup too). I don’t want anyone to curse us. I don’t want you to suffer the pain. By the way, I prayed for breakup, because I thought this is why you are refusing to meet at the earliest. Why do you want this commitment even if that is not meant for you? We sometimes choose a wrong path because of the twists and whirls. I made my thought clear that I am never choosing a path till I find you. I want you to do the same.

I sometimes think that God is jealous about getting us united just because of the love we are going to share. Now God being the mediator for us, we may forget him after we get together. I’m sorry for blaming you, dear God. I sincerely doubt you for not sending him yet.

Dear God, I have a request for you. If my man is around you, please return his life and take mine. His prayers had saved me from lot many disasters and I am grateful for it. I feel that I am not lucky for missing this beautiful soul. If you took him too earlier as he is your favourite child, take me as well; even if I am not your favourite (you know why.. I said that I am an Atheist plenty of times).

My dear man, I don’t know how you want me to love you. But I can say that you will neither be annoyed nor be irritated with the love I shower you. I swear that you will understand the real meaning of love when I am around you. I want you to find the same kind of vibe from me that I found from you. I want you to be loved by all mankind. I want you to love everyone and hate none. I want you to gain more friends and less enemity. I want you to do what you love and I want you to enjoy your life to the fullest. And at last I want you to find me as early as possible. Because I am getting disappointed when day passes.

You might have heard some ladies saying, ‘I will always be yours, I will not argue if you look at other women, I will be in your ups and downs’. But I am not going to vow you like other women did. But I can say that you are never gonna look at other women when I am with you. Because we will love each other like the first man and woman of this world.

We will enjoy our lives and we will explore new things together. I wish we grow old together. We will dance like no one is watching. We will sing like no one is listening. We will love like no one is around.

Bring it on & let truth be my existence. Value my life & tell me like it is. Bark at me when I’m wrong & hug me when I’m right. Praise me if I succeed & tell me if I fail. Laugh at me if you think I’m funny & wink at me if you think I’m cute; Yell at me if I ever hurt you & scold me if I’m ever bad. Keep things real with me, Because I want to be alive, I want my world to be real & I want to see your spirit. I want to hear you breathe & I want to know how you feel. I don’t want to waste our time with insincerities. I want us to keep our world real.

I will love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I will love you like the plant that does not bloom but carries within itself, hidden the light of those flowers. I will appreciate your love, which lives darkly in my body a certain solid fragrance that has risen from the earth. I will love you without knowing how or when or from where. I will love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride in which there is no you nor I; so close that your hand upon my chest is mine; so close that your eyes close as I dream.

I often say when we selflessly love someone, that love has no end to it. I want to love you that way, so that we will never get an end to our love story.

P.S I love you

Do you ever felt the same?

Enlighten your inner mind & soul : If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts, happiness follows them like a never-departing shadow.

I always wanted to talk about what I have in my mind but at some point I refuse to utter a word because I thought that I may disappoint or hurt the one I love and care. Do you ever felt the same?

Whenever I failed to open up, I wish to isolate myself and I have to just mute because I thought that I may burst out with rage. Do you ever felt the same?

Sometimes I feel that I depend on someone mentally, I felt that they are controlling my emotions unknowingly & I have to ignore this thought because I may tend to lose this (so called) only relationship. Do you ever felt the same?

When I get into touch with someone, I start to love them. Later I want them to stay and never leave, I thought they may forget me or be friend with new people if they are not around me. Do you ever felt the same?

I have never kept anything secretly and I always blabbered everything out of excitement. Later, when they use it to offend me, I felt ashamed of sharing my thoughts and experiences. I thought of being transparent but they just have it in their memory to make me upset. It made me resentful and unclear about my motive of being transparent. Do you ever felt the same?

No one is a saint, everyone commits mistakes. We learn from our failures and mistakes. It is not a worst thing. We must appreciate ourselves for not breaking out and motivating us to improve from our losses and failures. But people around us will only talk about our worst pasts and never appreciate us for giving our best in the present life. We expect them that they will love us for making them proud and happy, but in reality, they always remember and remind us our sad past instead of enjoying and cheering us with the charming present that we overcame from the worst experiences. I always thought why aren’t they forgetting even if it never affected them more than it affected us. The worst pasts might give us heartbreaks, suicidal thoughts, depressions, insomnia,. that they never experienced. I asked myself, why aren’t people comforting others and they just talk about the situation which is done? Do you ever felt the same?

Some might have committed huge mistakes and still they talk ill about others. They never realised how they have broken someone’s trust but they behave like they are the most obedient and the trust worthy person. It could provoke us to lose our patience but we never tried to point out their mistakes and troubles they have caused. We know that it may hurt them. We know that it is not the right thing to do. We had the heart to forgive and forget but they would always hurt us mentally. The wound caused by the words can never be healed. Even if we take time, it would never fade away but the reasons may. I always wonder why are people good at talking ill about others instead of correcting their own mistakes. Do you ever felt the same?

Someone would always help and support us financially and if required they would also spare their time to help us mentally. Shouldn’t we grateful for that? I honestly say that I would be one hundred percent grateful for being so kind. Because it is very rare to find such quality from many human. I knew someone; who never respect and just need others for money and mental comfort. They would ditch them away when their motive is done. Isn’t it annoying? Isn’t it seem so cruel? What can we do to them? How can we make them realise that being selfish is a pure evil thing? Even if we teach them, are they going to change their behaviour? We cannot ask someone to stop helping others, we cannot order someone to stop comforting others. As I have already said, being an Angel to someone’s life is a pure humane quality. We must celebrate them. I often think why aren’t few understanding that it would hurt if the same kind of situation hits them? Do you ever felt the same?

Yes, do you ever felt the same?

Be the change, start from yourself, we cannot ask someone to change unless we change our attitude; unless we change our mentality; unless we change our behaviour. We always refused to accept the truth. We sometimes act for the society. But we failed to be true to ourselves.

We have just forgotten the law of this universe when we try to survive with our instinctive thoughts.

All our thoughts and feelings are mirrored in the world around us, making our minds an incredibly powerful tool. The more positivity we manage to infuse into our minds, the more we get in our lives. we need to be careful about the negativity that creeps into our minds occasionally.

Everything in our lives including the people, things, and circumstances is a direct result of our energy vibrations. In short, we attract to what we are. That is, we attract into our people lives, things, and events that have the same vibrational energy as ours. We act like magnets. Sometimes we force ourselves to be with someone who are not desired to be ours. When everything are balanced between us, we are in a happy, peaceful, and content state of mind. When it is not, everything will be shattered.

Our actions and words have a butterfly effect on the world around us. And, they come right back to us in the end. This means, how we behave and treat others directly influences our own lives. By choosing the right path, offering a helping hand to the needy, or just by being a good human being, you can attract more positivity and good things into your life. Your behavior and actions are well within your control, even in the most trying circumstances. Consciously choosing to be good, dignified, and honorable when you are naturally inclined to be angry and destructive, raises your energy levels in no time.

We are an integral part of the Universe. This means every one of our actions and words impacts the world around us. Individual energy vibrations become a part of that of the Universe. This tells us to be aware of the implications of our thoughts, feelings as well as actions, and words. 

As everything in this Universe is interlinked, anything you do will not only affect your immediate family and friends, but also perfect strangers. So, you need to be extremely mindful of what you are thinking, doing, or saying.

P.S Always ask yourself if you are doing alright. If your sense refuses to answer, you are not in a right path, you are faking it. Try to change before someone asks you to. It is always good to be a great human instead of being a fake one. Never let your act affect others. Alter yourself before complaining about others. Be kind. Spread positivity.

Thank you.

The delightful torment (cont..)

Few asked me via mail why I have not talked about the human pleasure a bit too deep. My last article was based on the talk with friends Who are close to my heart.

Few are guilty about the things I shared, few have queries WHAT IF (let me answer your queries), few stopped talking to me and few appreciated me for writing up about the dark fantasies. Yes! Everyone has their opinions, and I appreciate it for standing with their thoughts.

I have a male friend who always talk about Sin. By the way, what is Sin? How do we know if the act we do is unjustly right and fair? How do we declare something we do is immoral or dishonest? He also threatens me that I may spend a minute in hell for being a wicked and unscrupulous person. Don’t ask me if I’m a wicked person? I am not. I always love to annoy people with freaky scenarios. He gets irritated by me for being a weird woman.

If the thing we do is not at all making us to feel guilty, then what we are doing is definitely right. If you are 0.01% guilty about something, watch your steps, you are going to spend a second or minute in hell (am I sounding like my friend?! Actually YES, I believe him, but not one hundred percent). Do you understand why I mentioned this here? You can look at other women or men but when you realise that you are ditching your man or woman, please stop it right there. It’s just a vibration and it is never gonna last. We find this vibration from everyone we come across, but we never expose it unless they approach.

Oops.. wait.. I am not talking about few men or women who has no purpose in life. They don’t have moral values. They don’t think about dishonest and unjustly manner. They do what they want. They never realise the sufferings of others. All they wish to do is abuse and molest and never regret. This is definitely a sin. Because the act they do is making the affected one to lose faith and eventually spoils their mentality.

A girl I know who is of my age was raped when she was 12 years old. She never know what sex is, she never know what it feels like when a man touches her body. She haven’t reached her puberty age. She was just a kid. The rapists ran away after ruining her soul. She was drenched in blood and semen. She was later witnessed by her family. She was completely shattered. She is scared about men later on, she got shivers when a man comes next to her. DON’T WORRY. She is now a strong woman. She is a brave young lady, she is inspiring few. She believes that just because she was raped, she is not weak, she has a wonderful life, she talks about it boldly to let others voice out about their mental traumas. She always had a second thought about suicide. But she never tried to. She thought not to hurt her family or her friends by being a coward.

Is it her fault? Do you think that she deserves it? Do you think that someone can find a pleasure from a kid? What happened had just happened. Nothing can be erased or removed from her memory. Even the days, months and years make her memory to fade. But it still exists at some corner of her mind. It will last forever. But why aren’t those bastards (a person with no quality- can be called this way) are thinking about the future of the kids. Is it that simple? Couldn’t they find a prostitute to satisfy their pleasure?

If someone touch you without your permission, you can scream or call out for help or just run away from them. Speak out about your mental trauma to someone you trust. Tell them that you are not comfortable. You have strength to break their manhood. But you don’t have to. If it is necessary, definitely you can. He can’t complain. You don’t have to hide just because something happened. If some bastards are out alive with guts, why do you have to bend over?

Learn about it before trying. We never had an idea about sex education but nowadays everything has come in advance. There are lot more documentaries and series about sex education. But in my days We call it gender instead of calling it sex because we thought it was a sin. We never had guts to talk to a male friend because we thought it was a sin. We feared to touch each other, because we thought it would make us pregnant. We were shy because our family and neighbours thought having opposite gender friendship is a sin. Later on, the next generation kids started teasing us for being so dumb. Aren’t we lucky that we were innocents in our school days? Aren’t we lucky that we never had an idea about human pleasures till we were teenagers? Aren’t we lucky that being shy in front of our crush is a butterfly feel?

What is your idea about sex before marriage? Do you consider it a sin? If you think this is nothing but a sin, who is affected by it (both the genders are undoubtedly happy, they explored the pleasures, they find it completely that this sex is a pure connection of love). Sex is not a mistake. But we never know that the love partner we have now will destined to be our life partner or not. We just enjoy their existence. We never think about the future, we never plan about tomorrow. We live the life that we have today. If you break up with your love, if you get married to someone else, if you decide not to marry anyone, never try to chase the one you loved if he/ she is married. This is not what either of you deserve. Let them live their life.

What if your partner hates sex but you love? What if your partner ignores you when it comes to pleasure? What if either of you don’t find the sexual vibe from each other? Is it good to complain about your partner to your friends? I can advise you one thing, just sit and talk. Ask them why? Ask them why not? Just because they refuse sex now, it doesn’t mean they are going to refuse it lifelong. They may think that it is not the right time. Lets give them time and space. Don’t lose the love of your life just for a pleasure. Consider it a kind of test your partner is giving you. He/ she may test your patience. They may estimate you with your reaction. Don’t think about break up. Don’t argue for this. Don’t fight for it. You will get it someday. That day you will realise sex is nothing.

It is nothing to worry about virginity but we still fear if the love of our life slept with other man/ woman. Why do we have this gut feeling? Aren’t we trusting our life partner? Actually we do, but when they outspokenly say about their date or a one night stand. We fear. We doubt if he/ she date anyone now or later. Please never ask your loved ones about their past not because it will make them melancholic but you will also lose your peace and happiness. You will doubt their every single move. Let them forget. Let you forgive. This is the least thing we can do just to enlighten our existing life.

P.S Pleasure may come from illusion, but happiness can come only of reality. True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future. So they thoroughly taught each other that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. They taught each other that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.