A woman’s disclosure

This revelation is not to hurt anyone but to say that the woman I know is helpless & disappointed. The woman I know is desperately seeks love and care.

Should I address her a woman or with any name? I am naming her Grace (I felt that this name suits her). Grace doesn’t want me to share her name but she wants everyone to know what she is going through.

Grace is a charming lady with kind heart & happiness. Everyone loves to be with her because she is a fun filled woman. You will definitely fall in love with her if you talk to her for the first time. Everyone adores her. She was an inspiration to many in her college days.

No one in the world had a smooth life without any disaster. But what is the disaster in her life? Grace’s mother made her to do all the household works when she was just a school kid. Her mother never looked at her, never cared her but blamed her when Grace scored less mark. Her mother said to everyone that her child (Grace) is characterless when Grace failed to help her mother with household activities. Her mother never cooked her food for lunch to school. And Grace never asked her mother to prepare food for her either. Because she knows nothing will happen and nothing changes.

Grace left her home and stayed in hostel to do her college education. She refused to visit her home during her holidays and vacations.

Years passed, Grace went to earn money. So then what? Her mother treated her well because she needed her child’s earning. Even Grace never refused to give her earning to her mother. Grace’s father working in a different district with an illness allowed her to stay brave.

Grace came to know that her mother is having a relationship with another man. What can she do? Can she fight to make her mother understand that men who flirts with a married woman are bastards? But how is she going to react? Can she ask someone for help? Can she tell it to her father to save their relationship? What can she do?

Out of frustration, She called her mother and scolded her badly. What did her mother do? Talked ill about Grace to family, friends and neighbours. Grace never broke down. She wish to stood for her family. She always wanted her family together. She ignored talking about it to anyone. Even when everyone asked her, why she is upset; she kept quiet. But why is this for? Is this going to make her family bonding stronger?

Grace started hating everyone. She realised that she is failing. She couldn’t do anything. She became weak. She got disappointed. She is helpless.

Her father found his wife’s relationship. You know what happened then? They fought, they blame each other. Grace’s peace faded away. Everything happened what she prayed not to happen. Anyhow she is glad that her mother will be out of this thing.

You know what happened next? Her mother never felt guilty about it. She talked ill about everyone to her husband. She is good at manipulating people. Grace’s father didn’t talk to her for 2 days. She worried about her father. She loves her father a lot. So she wanted to know why her father stopped talking to her? Her father asked her ‘do you love anyone?’ She was shocked. She was not in love with anyone. If she is, she would definitely say YES!. She wanted to know who rumoured about her? It is none other than her own mother.

Grace is done. Grace has lost his interest to live. She always felt jealousy when any of her friends tell her that their mom feed them & braided their hairs. She longed for it. The space of motherhood cannot be filled by anyone else. Even if she is surrounded by people who cares her, she misses a huge thing in her life. Its her mother.

She wandered why is this happening to her? She wandered why her mother talking ill about her child?, she wandered why her mother never cared her?, she wandered why she is unhappy, she wandered why she cannot accept it and let go?

She still loves her mother, she still loves her a lot and She still cares her so much. But her mother is not understanding it. But WHY?

Even if Grace expresses her solitude life through her silence, her mother never realised it.

I tell her not to worry and her mother will understand her someday.

What will you say to this soul? Doesn’t she deserve a happy life?

She is still chanting I AM DONE and willing to kill herself so that she won’t suffer anymore.

P.S To few parents, if you are unhappy with your life; don’t let your children suffer. You don’t have to feed your frustration to your kids. Let them live peacefully. I don’t want any Grace to suffer like this and cry in darkness.

Gracias

A mind game

Aren’t we clear that at some point someone is manipulating us in every aspects of our life? From our childhood till we step into a life of retirement. Most of us doesn’t know that we are being manipulated.

How are we manipulated? Isn’t this a good question? Just to make my content clear, we must know how will someone manipulate us? What is the role of manipulation? By the way, manipulation is a skill, an unscrupulous talent. Do you think that manipulators are talented. Obviously yes, if they have the skill to ruin your peace and happiness. Then YES, they are most talented.

Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way. People who are trying to manipulate others are trying to control others.

Have we ever questioned us that we are listening them and their voices? Aren’t we an individual? Isn’t like we are giving them an advantage by listening their voices?

Manipulative behavior involves three factors: fear, obligation and guilt. When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don’t really want to do. You might feel scared to do it, obligated to do it, or guilty about not doing it.

I point out two common manipulators: the bully and the victim. A bully makes you feel fearful and might use aggression, threats and intimidation to control you. The victim engenders a feeling of guilt in their target. The victim usually acts hurt. But while manipulators often play the victim, the reality is that they are the ones who have caused the problem.

A person who is targeted by manipulators who play the victim often try to help the manipulator in order to stop feeling guilty. Targets of this kind of manipulation often feel responsible for helping the victim by doing whatever they can to stop their suffering.

Gaslighting is often used to identify manipulation that gets people to question themselves, their reality, memory or thoughts. A manipulative person might twist what you say and make it about them, hijack the conversation or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you’re not quite sure you have.

If you’re being gaslighted, you might feel a false sense of guilt or defensiveness—like you failed completely or must have done something wrong when, in reality, that’s not the case.

“Manipulators blame,”. “They don’t take responsibility.”

When will we identify the manipulators? At every point of entering a new stage of life, we break down or sit to understand if it is a right time to move on. There comes the trouble. People who watches us from distance will console us with their ideas and thoughts. If we are open to other thoughts, we sit and listen until we make up our mind that their advise is right. We never stop them because we really want someone to show us right path. But What if their advise is not according to our passion and our morality? Do we have to choose their role based on their passion and morality? When are we going to follow ours? We have also stopped asking ourselves before letting others into our mind.

Why do we worry about the manipulators? They manipulate us in every single way. From ruining a relationship to till we ruin others as well. Let me share my experience before I move into the statement. I know a lady who is 2 years elder to me. She is a good manipulator. She observes people. She knows every single move of her environment. She is very clever but she acts dump when it comes to common sense. If I get angry at someone, I don’t quarrel or fight, I always isolate myself to avoid it. I do this often because I always want them to understand the reason for my silence. I want them to regret for their mistakes. If that lady, watches me sitting alone, she comes to me talking ill about them increasing my temper. If our temper is high, we always wanted to show it to the one who made us to sit alone not to the one who manipulated us. She will even talk ill about me to them just to make them not to regret for what they have done. And finally, the relationship is ruined. I can still try to reunite but I have to blame that lady. But who the real stupid is? ME.. exactly the only me.

Have anyone tried blaming others instead of blaming ourselves for it? I have done it plenty of times. “She is responsible”, “he was the one”, “she asked me to..”. But later I realised that I am the one responsible because I allowed them to take advantages.

I have even gossiped about others. I have one thought in mind whenever I talked about someone behind their back. What if the listener got manipulated by what I said? What if they hate them because of me? What if they ignore them because of me? What if they are good to them but I am still trying to manipulate that they are not good but ill minded people?

What these inner voices made me?

Stop talking about others.

Stop manipulating.

I am not even a good person if I still talk about a true facts about others behind their back.

If you think for a minute, we will never allow anyone to take a step forward to manipulate us.

How do we stop them manipulating us? It is a challenge. But it is worth a try.

Never respond.

Never listen them.

Never give them a reply.

Never show them that you are disappointed.

Never let them know that you are looking for a change.

Never ask them for a suggestion.

Never stop listening yourself.

Never mute yourself from saying NO.